| New Hampshire Writers |
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| The 2009 Gallows Humor Award Goes To… By Oggy Bleacher |
The annual Cyberdyne holiday party.
Eating turkey and stuffing.
"I'm surprised Andrews isn't here with an Uzi."
Andrews was one of the 250 people let go last year.
"Yeah, I heard he ordered some Kevlar."
"Ha. And hand grenades."
"Yeah, he's been building pipe bombs all summer. In his shed. Ha. By the light of the moon."
Lots of laughter.
"Didn't you notice the chains on the doors? The guy’s got us locked in."
We all chuckle.
"Forget Andrews, I'm coming for some payback too. They escorted me out of here 9 months ago. Then begged me
to come back for half the pay. I came packing today!"
"I'll hide behind Doug."
Doug is the supervisor.
"That's ok. I bought armor-penetrating bullets. They'll split Doug in two."
"They sell those?"
"Soldier of Fortune has everything. Hell, they got a whole section specifically for going postal."
"Yeah, they got packages for how many people are in the company who fucked you over."
"Now they got one for religious killing sprees."
"Oh, yeah, for that guy down south?"
"Right, he got Package M. For Muslim."
"That come with hand grenades?"
"Of course. And a copy of the Koran."
A few people chuckle.
"Which package you get?"
"C, for China, where all our jobs went."
Generous laughter.
"That come with a special hat with a Commie Star?"
"Yep, Andrews got me wise."
"So we're dead?"
"Eat up."
"Last meal. Glad it's good."
"Good? I've hit a skunk with better meat than this."
"Don't eat the apple crisp."
"Why, Andrews poison it?"
"Yeah. He put rat poison in it. When we all go to the bathroom he's gonna blow the place up."
"He'd do it too. That guy was so pissed. His wife left him. Lost his kids. What's he got to live for?"
"Revenge."
Everyone laughs until Doug gets on the microphone and says,
"Hope everyone is having a good meal. It's time for the raffle prizes. Everyone have their tickets?"
We all clap and get our tickets out. I win a gift card to Old Navy.
Oggy Bleacher is a writer and musician who never stays in one place too long. Oggy recently moved to Laconia from
Los Angeles because he had never before lived in central New Hampshire in the winter. He currently lives at a group
home where everyone is in rehab but that keeps the rent low. He loves arguing about movies, playing guitar and
visiting new places.
Oggy’s web presence may be found at www.marcomaninthevan.blogspot.com
Eating turkey and stuffing.
"I'm surprised Andrews isn't here with an Uzi."
Andrews was one of the 250 people let go last year.
"Yeah, I heard he ordered some Kevlar."
"Ha. And hand grenades."
"Yeah, he's been building pipe bombs all summer. In his shed. Ha. By the light of the moon."
Lots of laughter.
"Didn't you notice the chains on the doors? The guy’s got us locked in."
We all chuckle.
"Forget Andrews, I'm coming for some payback too. They escorted me out of here 9 months ago. Then begged me
to come back for half the pay. I came packing today!"
"I'll hide behind Doug."
Doug is the supervisor.
"That's ok. I bought armor-penetrating bullets. They'll split Doug in two."
"They sell those?"
"Soldier of Fortune has everything. Hell, they got a whole section specifically for going postal."
"Yeah, they got packages for how many people are in the company who fucked you over."
"Now they got one for religious killing sprees."
"Oh, yeah, for that guy down south?"
"Right, he got Package M. For Muslim."
"That come with hand grenades?"
"Of course. And a copy of the Koran."
A few people chuckle.
"Which package you get?"
"C, for China, where all our jobs went."
Generous laughter.
"That come with a special hat with a Commie Star?"
"Yep, Andrews got me wise."
"So we're dead?"
"Eat up."
"Last meal. Glad it's good."
"Good? I've hit a skunk with better meat than this."
"Don't eat the apple crisp."
"Why, Andrews poison it?"
"Yeah. He put rat poison in it. When we all go to the bathroom he's gonna blow the place up."
"He'd do it too. That guy was so pissed. His wife left him. Lost his kids. What's he got to live for?"
"Revenge."
Everyone laughs until Doug gets on the microphone and says,
"Hope everyone is having a good meal. It's time for the raffle prizes. Everyone have their tickets?"
We all clap and get our tickets out. I win a gift card to Old Navy.
Oggy Bleacher is a writer and musician who never stays in one place too long. Oggy recently moved to Laconia from
Los Angeles because he had never before lived in central New Hampshire in the winter. He currently lives at a group
home where everyone is in rehab but that keeps the rent low. He loves arguing about movies, playing guitar and
visiting new places.
Oggy’s web presence may be found at www.marcomaninthevan.blogspot.com