"Reboot"
By Drew Day
The whole trip out there was an amazing experience... Kind of like a mental reboot for me.
It's been over 13 years since I remembered what it was like to be myself... lost somewhere between
junior year and college... and at the same time, I realized that the old myself isn't really there, because
I've grown and changed a bit - though the parts I used to enjoy the most still exist. It put a lot of things
in perspective, and the feeling I have right now i want to hold onto.
You never really know how people in your life, or experiences that come along will change you. I was so
angry when I left. Angry at everything - the world, people I know, and myself. Very angry with myself. I
was like an exposed high voltage line, banging around on the ground without reason and without
remorse for whatever came into contact with me. Certainly not a great way to live, or a great thing to
live with.
It actually wasn't until I was headed home that I realized how long it had been since I'd been "set off",
whether by my kids, or spouse or some meathead on the road... and realized just how easily my fuse was
lit. Sure, everyone has bad days, but when every day is a bad day, clearly there's something not right.
We saw some powerful films, especially towards the end - but I realized it wasn't the films that hit me so
hard as the contact with the other people watching them. I hadn't realized just how alone I was,
disconnected from the world, and more importantly, the people I care most about. Whether it was
tragedy or comedy on the screen, there was a collective emotion within the room during these films.
The feeling that came over the room as a father was in agony over his son's death was heart wrenching,
and so strong it was as if you could touch or breath the sadness...and while that's not my favorite
emotion, it was the fact that it was so powerful, and so real... and so foreign that it's struck me, hard. I
also knew, and remembered having these same connection in joyful times and happy moments.
Anger has been my companion for so long that I'd almost forgotten what it was like to feel anything else.
For so long I've used it to bury everything in an effort to be who and what I should - follow life's path...
conform. It's funny... I wrote before mostly in jest to "My good friend John McQuade", about what the
Skind and I were looking to accomplish - the whole "expand your minds and break away from every day
conformity" thing... but as luck would have it, this entire trip did just that. I'm not joking this time, and I
don't want to be that person anymore.
Ten years ago, my lovely bride to be and I would have given anything for a moment to breathe - gall
bladder, cancer, house, wedding and child to be - we were just hoping for some "down time" ... let life
be boring for a while.
Life got boring.
We like so many others fell into the path that we all expect to walk - and along the way unfortunately lose
sight of the things that are really most important. We lose sight of what drives us as people - and we
forget to care for that "something" that just makes two people click. That connection that you have
early on that can't be explained, but it's there. A very similar connection to a person, or people as I
described above - a tangible feeling of hurt, pain, joy or intimacy.... the things that make life worth living.
Until this trip, I feel as though life's boat has been blown along a stormy sea by whatever wind will take
it... we are all hoping for some ideal destination that doesn't really exist.
This trip rocked the boat, the skies parted and woke up feelings and thoughts that haven't seen since
our wishes for a boring life. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or so they say - and in this case it
did even more than that. It reminded why I married my wife. It showed me that while we've made so
many accomplishments as parents and people, we've still got so much to discover in one another... and
that discovery is more precious than gold, more valuable than any amount of money and takes more
work than building any website.
I said earlier I want to hold onto this feeling, this connection to people, and to feelings. I think of all the
times where I missed the opportunity for a hug, a chance to steal a kiss, or a moment to say "I love you",
all because I was chasing that which matters not. This is not just a love letter, it's a voice of passion, a
revelation and a wake up call to myself and anyone who has fell victim to life's toils.
Stop reading now.
That someone in your life is nearby. Find them, and don't miss another opportunity for a hug, the
chance to steal a kiss or a moment to say "I love you."
I love you Kathleen. I'm back.
By Drew Day
The whole trip out there was an amazing experience... Kind of like a mental reboot for me.
It's been over 13 years since I remembered what it was like to be myself... lost somewhere between
junior year and college... and at the same time, I realized that the old myself isn't really there, because
I've grown and changed a bit - though the parts I used to enjoy the most still exist. It put a lot of things
in perspective, and the feeling I have right now i want to hold onto.
You never really know how people in your life, or experiences that come along will change you. I was so
angry when I left. Angry at everything - the world, people I know, and myself. Very angry with myself. I
was like an exposed high voltage line, banging around on the ground without reason and without
remorse for whatever came into contact with me. Certainly not a great way to live, or a great thing to
live with.
It actually wasn't until I was headed home that I realized how long it had been since I'd been "set off",
whether by my kids, or spouse or some meathead on the road... and realized just how easily my fuse was
lit. Sure, everyone has bad days, but when every day is a bad day, clearly there's something not right.
We saw some powerful films, especially towards the end - but I realized it wasn't the films that hit me so
hard as the contact with the other people watching them. I hadn't realized just how alone I was,
disconnected from the world, and more importantly, the people I care most about. Whether it was
tragedy or comedy on the screen, there was a collective emotion within the room during these films.
The feeling that came over the room as a father was in agony over his son's death was heart wrenching,
and so strong it was as if you could touch or breath the sadness...and while that's not my favorite
emotion, it was the fact that it was so powerful, and so real... and so foreign that it's struck me, hard. I
also knew, and remembered having these same connection in joyful times and happy moments.
Anger has been my companion for so long that I'd almost forgotten what it was like to feel anything else.
For so long I've used it to bury everything in an effort to be who and what I should - follow life's path...
conform. It's funny... I wrote before mostly in jest to "My good friend John McQuade", about what the
Skind and I were looking to accomplish - the whole "expand your minds and break away from every day
conformity" thing... but as luck would have it, this entire trip did just that. I'm not joking this time, and I
don't want to be that person anymore.
Ten years ago, my lovely bride to be and I would have given anything for a moment to breathe - gall
bladder, cancer, house, wedding and child to be - we were just hoping for some "down time" ... let life
be boring for a while.
Life got boring.
We like so many others fell into the path that we all expect to walk - and along the way unfortunately lose
sight of the things that are really most important. We lose sight of what drives us as people - and we
forget to care for that "something" that just makes two people click. That connection that you have
early on that can't be explained, but it's there. A very similar connection to a person, or people as I
described above - a tangible feeling of hurt, pain, joy or intimacy.... the things that make life worth living.
Until this trip, I feel as though life's boat has been blown along a stormy sea by whatever wind will take
it... we are all hoping for some ideal destination that doesn't really exist.
This trip rocked the boat, the skies parted and woke up feelings and thoughts that haven't seen since
our wishes for a boring life. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or so they say - and in this case it
did even more than that. It reminded why I married my wife. It showed me that while we've made so
many accomplishments as parents and people, we've still got so much to discover in one another... and
that discovery is more precious than gold, more valuable than any amount of money and takes more
work than building any website.
I said earlier I want to hold onto this feeling, this connection to people, and to feelings. I think of all the
times where I missed the opportunity for a hug, a chance to steal a kiss, or a moment to say "I love you",
all because I was chasing that which matters not. This is not just a love letter, it's a voice of passion, a
revelation and a wake up call to myself and anyone who has fell victim to life's toils.
Stop reading now.
That someone in your life is nearby. Find them, and don't miss another opportunity for a hug, the
chance to steal a kiss or a moment to say "I love you."
I love you Kathleen. I'm back.
New Hampshire Writers Flash Fiction
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